A few years ago, as we were getting started with one of my mentor meeting, my mentor looked at me from the other side of his desk and said “Tony, I want to start this meeting with something inspirational - I said “great” as I sat there, waiting with bated breath for something amazing and inspirational - he leaned forward in his chair and looked at me directly in the eyes and said, “Tony, you are a failure; you are a complete and total failure” Then he leaned back in his chair and said with a big grin on his face “Are you feeling inspired now?”
Considering I saw the big grin, I figured I’d play along and said something like “The only thing I’m feeling is that my mentor has finally decided to mail it in and I need to get a new mentor because I’m not feeling even remotely inspired” He said “Well you should be!” because - “The most successful people fail the most.” He said it again - “The most successful people fail the most.”
Let me give you some examples:
Steve Jobs - back in the 80’s brought Apple to it’s knees - very close to bankruptcy and ultimately was fired from Apple in 1985 - Failure
Thomas Edison unsuccessfully attempted to create the light bulb 1,000 times - Failure
Albert Einstein didn’t speak until he was 4 years old and couldn’t read until he was 7 (later on in his life he was rejected by the college he wanted to get into) - Failure
Henry Ford went bankrupt 5 times - Failure
Michael Jordan was cut from his highschool basketball team - Failure
Walt Disney as a reporter for a local newspaper was fired by the editor for lacking imagination and poor story telling - Failure
Oprah Winfrey was fired from the evening news and later on was demoted from a co-anchor job to morning reporter because she was considered “unfit for TV” - Failure
JK Rowlings was on welfare and was rejected 12 times from publishers for Harry Potter….another failure I could go on and on.
Just imagine if any of these people stopped short (gave up after failing) - how much less would we have as a society? Some of these people were so impactful, had they decided to quit after their failure it most likely would have affected the course of history.
As successful as all those people are, there is nothing superhuman about any of them. The reason for their success was because they learned and followed a simple two part formula.
The first part was, they embraced failure and saw it as a learning opportunity and a stepping stone. They took chances, they went beyond their comfort zone knowing that the first time, the second time, the third time, they might fail and at times, fail miserably but they realized that that’s the only way to learn and grow. Fail, get up, dust yourself off and do it again.
The good news for you and me - this habit of failing and getting back up didn’t come natural to them. Everyone of them mastered this habit only after they embraced the second part of the formula which was working with a mentor.
Their mentor kept them accountable and helped them through their failures. Every one of them. In fact everyone of them give a considerable amount of credit for their success to their mentors.
That’s it that’s the formula - believe it or not, these very famous people aren’t that much different than me and you. They just figured out and utilized the formula -work hard, take calculated risks, at times they fail, learn from it and with the help of a mentor keep progress, grow and succeed. There’s no magic to it - this is a formula that I see all the time with many of the successful entrepreneurs, small business owners and leaders that I have been fortunate enough to know and work with.
So what is the primary reason why having a mentor can help a person create the habit of going beyond their comfort zone and accepting failure?
The answer is - a mentor helps you overcome fear. Fear of failure and that’s a very powerful fear.
Let’s use my podcast as an example. For a rather long time (about a year or so), I wanted to create a podcast but fear held me back. I finally decided to discuss this goal with one of my mentors because I could not seem to accomplish this on my own.
My mentor understood my fear and proceeded to take go through an exercise to help me with this fear. First he asked, “What is it that you’re afraid of?”
I never “zoomed in” on my fear so when he forced me to do it , I realized that my fear was associated with what I thought people may think about me if the podcast was just plain awful or if I decided it was too much and quit doing it after a couple of episodes.
“Ok” my mentor said “Now let’s zoom in closer to these (in air quotes - he said) ‘people’ that you have in mind” and tell me how many of these ‘people’ are we talking about. I was already struggling with that request because I honestly didn't know. He insisted “Give me a number?” I said “9 or 10.” He then asked me to zoom in further and said “ok, now focus on these people and one at a time tell me who these people are that you’re afraid are going to make fun of you for failing?”
I quickly realized that these people were actually nameless and faceless. There was literally no one that I knew who would criticize or make fun of me if I failed. Before we finished the exercise, he said “ the only person holding you back, Tony, is you.” I sat back and thought - man, he’s right. I was my greatest critic, I was my greatest enemy.
That’s why the most successful people - entrepreneurs, business owners, leaders, managers have mentors. They are no different than me and you, the only difference is they have already learned the lesson that they are their own worst enemy and their best friend is their mentor. Their mentor keeps them accountable on their goals and is the first to give you support to offer their hand, help you up, dust you off when you fail. All of a sudden, failure isn’t so scary when you have other trusted people along for the ride. I’m no longer on an island by myself and failure doesn't seem nearly as scary.
So my friend you reading right now, do you have a mentor? Do you have someone that can help you grow beyond your current limits? Do you have goals that for one reason or another you have failed to accomplish? Are you stuck in neutral doing the exact same thing again and again every day? Are you afraid to fail because of those same nameless, faceless people that were holding me back? Do you want to be better than you are today?
If so, find a mentor! Now there are people that make a living acting as mentors but I suggest you try a cheaper route first.
Think of one goal you want to complete and then think of someone in your life you have worked with or associated with possibly even a family member that you have always looked up to because of some quality or qualities that you really appreciated about them. Someone you feel can be trusted and will has the capability of keeping you accountable and trustworthy. Then contact them and ask them if you could meet with them for coffee or lunch.
During that meeting tell them how much you looked up to them for the qualities that made you choose the mentor in the first place and share the goal you want to accomplish. Explain to them how you can’t seem to complete it on your own and share that fear then ask them if they could be your mentor to help you stay accountable.
Tell them you understand their time is valuable so you will set your goal properly, you will create action items for the goal and all you want from them to do is play the role of accountability officer as well as offer any advice and support they may want to offer. Usually the person is so flattered that they immediately say yes, if they say no, you just experienced your first failure towards success. Think of another person and do it again until you get a yes.
Another option is find a friend who is equally interested in accomplishing goals of their own and become accountability partners. Sometimes just having that person to push you along is all you need.
Believe me even if you have to pay, mentors are worth every penny because you will now have a person in your corner to counter your 'greatest enemy'.
So begin following the formula for success by using the acronym F.A.I.L.
F - Find a mentor;
A - Ask for their help with a goal that you haven’t been able to complete yourself;
I - Initiate the goal with your mentors oversight;
L - Learn from your failures and with the help of your mentor, get back up and do it again.
Because the “most successful people fail the most.” Have a wonderful day.
Listen to Anthony's podcast - Entrepreneur's Island part of the YEN Network.