I want to share a story that dates back to the 14th century. The story’s called Buridan’s Ass (also known as Buridan’s Donkey). Donkeys are known to be stubborn, set in their ways and lazy. Buridan’s donkey was a bit more stubborn, a bit more set in his ways and a bit lazier than most donkeys to the point that when he was both hungry and thirsty, he would choose to eat hay or drink water - whatever happened to be the closest. So in other words, if the water was closer, Buridan’s donkey would take a drink first. If the hay was closer, Buridan’s donkey would eat first.
One day, Buridan’s donkey was both hungry and thirsty. When he looked for the closest water and food source, he discovered that he was equidistant to both water and hay. Being the stubborn, lazy, set-in-his-ways donkey that he was, he stood in place, the only thing moving was his head as he stared at both.
He looked to his right and thought, “Hay” and then looked to his left and thought, “Water”. The seconds turned into minutes as he continued to move his head back and forth, thinking “Hay” every time he looked to the right, and “Water” every time he looked to the left. The minutes began to accumulate as Buridan’s donkey continued moving his head back and forth thinking:
“Hay”
“Water”
“Hay”
“Water”
“Hay”
“Water”
What he was thinking every time he looked at the hay was, “Gosh, I’m really hungry right now but if I risk walking over to and eating the hay first, I might choke to death because of how thirsty I am.” Then, he looked at the water and thought, “ I’m really thirsty right now, but if I risk crouching down to drink from the pail of water I may die of hunger because I won’t have enough energy to get back up.”
So there stood the donkey, motionless, paralyzed, afraid to take a risk and unable to make a decision. The minutes turned to hours and the hours turned to days. After several days the exhausted donkey fell over and died.
It’s easy to be critical of Buridan’s donkey for making his fatal mistake. However, if you’re not mindful of it, you too will end up assuming many of the same characteristics as Buridan’s donkey and find yourself with a bad case of Buridan donkey-itis. It’s human nature to become increasingly comfortable with the status quo and risk-averse as one accumulates success and wealth. So before you pass judgment on Buridan’s donkey, let’s review the symptoms of Buridan donkey-itis because there’s a very good chance you have contracted this silent killer.
Symptom #1 of Buridan donkey-itis - Unwillingness to change - The human brain has evolved over the millennia into being change-averse. Back in the days when we survived as hunter gatherers, less change meant taking fewer risks and the need to expend less energy (leaving the body with more energy to find food, drink, and shelter) which increased the odds of living longer and procreating.
Though we may no longer have to hunt wild beasts to survive, our brain hasn’t changed much and still loves predictability and safety. What we don’t know tends to make us feel afraid and change often leads to the unknown. This is why we fall into the trap of doing the same thing over and over again. We unconsciously act to prevent change and then find ourselves unhappy and bored with our lives.
Think about your day - get up around the same time, eat breakfast, go to work, perform the same or similar tasks, eat lunch, work some more, head home, eat dinner, watch a show, go to bed.... repeat, again and again. Does that sound familiar? This cycle becomes mind-numbing, the learning stops, you lose your passion, and your employees and customers notice. The longer you do this, the greater the chance you will be overlooked for promotion, your competitors will slowly pick away at your clients and you put everything you’ve worked for at risk. All because of your conscious (and unconscious) decisions to be safe and predictable.
Symptom #2 of Buridan donkey-itis - The fear of feeling incompetent - To feel incompetent is to feel uncomfortable, embarrassed, and exposed. It’s easy for our ego to get in the way by creating a narrative that we have to be in control, we have to have all of the answers and we never ever share our vulnerabilities especially as our perceived status grows. When we fear feeling incompetent, we fool ourselves into believing that at all costs, we need to avoid placing ourselves in situations where we may look weak, so fewer and fewer risks are taken.
Symptom #3 of Buridan donkey-itis - The fear of taking risks - It is human nature to try to avoid losing what you already have. The more you have, the more energy spent trying to keep the status quo. When you focus on the status quo, you are focusing on the past, the “good old days” and not preparing for the future. You stop learning, you stop listening, you stop growing. The more risk averse you become, the scarier it gets to take risks and eventually paralysis by analysis begins to set in.
Symptom #4 of Buridan donkey-itis - Paralysis - All that time and energy spent to preserve a routine predictable life has created the opposite effect. The day is consumed reacting
to resolve the “biggest fire”. Eventually, you lose control of your schedule and your life has become far less predictable. Surrounded by uncertainty, you become fearful that you’re going to make a mistake - so you stop making decisions. Your friends and colleagues see what’s happening and offer advice but your stubbornness prevents you from listening. This invariably leads to loneliness.
Symptom #5 of Buridan donkey-itis - Alone - Once you have reached this stage, the depression sets in, you are convinced that your problems are unique and no one can help. This is the terminal stage of Buridan donkey-itis. Unlike the donkey, Buridan donkey-itis may not kill you, but it will kill your career or company.
The Cure
Buridan donkey-itis is very contagious so you probably just discovered you are experiencing some of the symptoms, fortunately, there’s a simple cure. You have to keep learning and growing by placing yourself in a position to fail, to feel incompetent, to share your vulnerabilities and to accept change.
Without continuously challenging yourself, you will become bored, you will lose your sharpness, you will lose interest in what you are doing - and everyone around you will notice it. As the saying goes, you have to be interested to be interesting! So the cure simply involves you surrounding yourself with new ideas, people that will challenge you, and peers who have experienced or are experiencing what you are at the moment.
Start by reading books. A $20 investment can change your life. In a mastermind class that I facilitate, we recently read the book “Never Split the Difference” (subtitle - negotiate as if your life depended on it) by Chris Voss. One of the members received the book in the mail and before she could start reading it, her husband, a doctor, who was going to be heading into contract negotiations with a primary care center, decided to take it and read it first. After devouring the book, he used the techniques to negotiate an additional $20 thousand more per year. It only takes one idea to make the book worth reading (or listening).
Listen to podcasts and watch Ted talks. The internet has given us unlimited free content to many of the smartest thought leaders, motivational speakers and achievers in the world. Get in the habit of listening to podcasts and watching them speak on Ted talks so that you are constantly filling your mind with positive, abundance minded thinking. A few of my favorite podcasts are the Tim Ferris show, author of the 4-hour workweek, Oprah’s Supersoul Conversations and NPR’s How I Built This. All three have great interviews of some of the smartest cutting edge thinkers of our time. Also, check out one of the best motivational speakers Brene Brown in a newly released special on Netflix, it’s fantastic!
Find (or start) a mastermind group. As I mentioned, I facilitate three mastermind groups and I see the power in surrounding yourself with like-minded people. It is important to understand that there is absolutely nothing that you are struggling with that is unique. Mastermind groups can get you through any problem and help you gain the managerial courage and direction you need to make the difficult decisions. Remember, your network becomes your net worth.
Finally, find a coach who will challenge you and keep you accountable. The most successful people in the world have coaches and mentors. Of course, you will need to pay for their time. However, if you are serious about becoming more focused and getting to the answer faster, there’s no better way to accomplish it.
Consider this advice your first coaching session with the following action items - Starting today:
1) Begin reading one book every two months
2) Listen to at least 3 podcasts or Ted talks each week
3) Find and join a mastermind group that meets at least once a month
4) Hire a coach
If you make the decision today to follow this advice, you will never be bored, you will never lose you will accomplish more than you ever have, you will surround yourself with life long friends and colleagues who can be trusted and depended upon, you will welcome change, and you will be comfortable with uncomfortable. Most importantly, you will never ever end up motionless, paralyzed, afraid to take a risk and unable to make a decision like Buridan’s donkey!