In 2005 I was the Chief Accounting Officer for a startup company called Nanodynamics. Every month, the chairman of the board who was the largest shareholder, would visit for an update. Considering that most of the products for Nanodynamics were at the research and development stage, we relied heavily on investor money, especially from our chairman.
As time passed and the timelines for our products continued to push out, there was a continued demand for cash from our chairman. These meetings soon began to become more and more contentious between him and our CEO.
The CEO was always optimistic about the timeframe for commercialization of the products in research and development. I became disenchanted with him as I constantly needed to adjust my cash flow forecast which left us dependant on raising money to fill the cash gap. Fortunately, our CEO was very successful at raising the millions necessary to keep funding the deficit.
Because research and development failed to commercialize, I became increasingly concerned with the forecasted cash deficit as I didn’t feel the CEO was being realistic about expectations for the company’s future revenue and cash flow.
As a result, I decided to put together a cash forecast to present to the Chairman of the Board without sharing the information with the CEO or the COO. They were completely blindsided when I explained how desperate the situation was and how we needed to make cuts immediately. I was brutally honest in that meeting and I knew that would please the chairman of the board, which it did. However, it made the CEO look bad and created a level of distrust which ultimately led to my being terminated at the company.
Everything I said needed to be said and everything I shared needed to be shared, however, I failed at delivering it properly. I was being brutally honest when I should have been respectfully candid. Had I been respectfully candid, I would have shared and said everything exactly how I did to the Chairman of the Board, the only difference would have been that I would have shared it with the CEO and COO first to ensure they would not be blindsided.
I thought to be brutally honest was a strength of mine but as I became more mindful of my actions, I realized that it was destructive in the end. It was all about me and my way of showing off in front of others - which was very selfish and arrogant. Worst of all, I wasn’t realizing the negative effects I was creating from my brutal honesty. These consequences included: people not wanting to work with me, supervisors unwilling to share information with me for fear of how I will react, and, like in this example, termination. After many hard lessons (and perhaps some maturing), I stopped focusing on myself and began focusing on improving the people around me. That transition allowed me to become respectfully candid.
The ironic thing about being respectfully candid was that I found myself saying exactly what I used to say when being brutally honest, the only difference was I was saying them in the right company with the right tone of voice and for the right reasons - to help improve the person I was offering the advice to. By doing it that way, the receiver of my respectful candor was grateful and my advice was not only accepted, but it was also acted upon. I built a level of trust in every relationship which made it even easier and easier to share and communicate any topic that needed to be discussed. Having clear, open, safe communication is the key to success in business and in life, that’s why it’s extremely important to always be respectfully candid.
So far, I’ve been making this point from the perspective of a person that is inherently brutally honest, however from my experience, most people tend to be inherently conflict-averse. There’s also a fine line between being conflict-averse and respectfully candid.
Whatever camp you find yourself in, moving to being respectfully candid is necessary because, as Dave Ramsey says, “being unclear is unkind.” Being unclear about your message by either avoiding what should be said (if you’re conflict-averse) or saying it the wrong way (if you’re brutally honest) is also very expensive because it will cost you time and money.
So make the change to becoming respectfully candid today with all of your relationships. It’s very easy to do. First, be certain that the information you are going to be offering is for the purpose of improving the individual, not yourself. Secondly, be sure you are saying it in a safe environment to avoid any potential embarrassment and thirdly, offer your assistance and guidance along the way.
There is a fine line between being brutally honest and respectfully candid. There’s also a fine line between being conflict-averse and respectfully candid. Either way, if you follow this approach, you will be making a significant improvement in the lives of everyone around you while indirectly improving your own life because what you will discover is that the individuals who you are being respectfully candid to will be ever so grateful and will want to return the favor back to you! And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you truly make a positive impact in this world. So start being respectfully candid today!
I hope you have a great day!